Slugger Turns Rapper
Bonds Seeks "Most Valuable Prostitute" Award
Refusing to answer reporter's questions regarding damning evidence of steroid abuse, Barry Bonds today "hit one outta the park" according to sources in the entertainment industry. Inspired by the recent success of Best-Song Oscar Winner, "It's Hard Out There For A Pimp", baseball's 7-time MVP-Award winner stunned the sports world with the release of his new rap tune... "It's Hard In Here For A Prostitute"
Let's just say, not everyone is thrilled.
Backlash among baseball purists is rapidly reaching "Biblical Proportions"... however, early statements from MLB Commissioner Bud Selig regarding Bond's future in baseball indicate that the Commissioner may already be fiddling with the box score...
"Our internal investigations have revealed that while the body of Mr. Bonds does indeed carry approximately the same volume of pharmaceuticals as an average Walgreens, it has, in fact , recieved far fewer injections of contraband substances than that of Joan Rivers.
"And given that she's been able to extend her career beyond the limits of all human reason, still putting up good numbers at Oscar time, it's an indication that Barry could continue to play. It is the hope of Major League Baseball that he can go on to once again be named as this great game's 'Most Valuable Prostitute'... something we all agree that the fans of his beloved San Francisco truly deserve."
Refusing to answer reporter's questions regarding damning evidence of steroid abuse, Barry Bonds today "hit one outta the park" according to sources in the entertainment industry. Inspired by the recent success of Best-Song Oscar Winner, "It's Hard Out There For A Pimp", baseball's 7-time MVP-Award winner stunned the sports world with the release of his new rap tune... "It's Hard In Here For A Prostitute"
Let's just say, not everyone is thrilled.
Backlash among baseball purists is rapidly reaching "Biblical Proportions"... however, early statements from MLB Commissioner Bud Selig regarding Bond's future in baseball indicate that the Commissioner may already be fiddling with the box score...
"Our internal investigations have revealed that while the body of Mr. Bonds does indeed carry approximately the same volume of pharmaceuticals as an average Walgreens, it has, in fact , recieved far fewer injections of contraband substances than that of Joan Rivers.
"And given that she's been able to extend her career beyond the limits of all human reason, still putting up good numbers at Oscar time, it's an indication that Barry could continue to play. It is the hope of Major League Baseball that he can go on to once again be named as this great game's 'Most Valuable Prostitute'... something we all agree that the fans of his beloved San Francisco truly deserve."
posted by Michael C. at 6:13 PM
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