Scientists Link Gore To Precipitous Drop In Global I.Q.
Today a team of top international scientists, which was assembled last Sunday to study the correlation between the Academy Awards and global warming, has released several stunning findings:
Close monitoring of the average room temperature inside the Kodak Theatre, venue for the Oscars, revealed that it directly matched (+ or - 1 degree F) the median aggregate I.Q. of the film industry luminaries in attendance.
Said German lead scientist Dr. Karl Schnabel, “This confirms something that we in the scientific community have feared for decades, but were afraid to come forward with. Specifically, the annual high concentration levels of this many actors, film-makers, TV cameras and implants being beamed to a huge global audience poses a grave threat to human intellect as we know it. Our calculations show that unless the Oscars are immediately cut back to a one hour broadcast rational thought could become extinct in as little as 20 years.”
“Most troubling is that Sunday evening a definitive 'tipping point' was reached, triggered by the wantonly careless act of placing Hollywood types, has-been politicians and the word “moral” together into a closed environment.”
On a more positive note, Dutch Climatologist Hans Kloogerman shared this finding:
“Our highly sensitive monitoring equipment was able to detect a noticeable spike upward in the overall I.Q. inside the Kodak Theatre whenever Jack Nicholson left to use the men’s room. However, I must temper this good news with a word of caution… we also found that I.Q. levels dropped off precipitously for any person entering a 10 foot radius around Al Gore."
In a related story, 100’s of global warming activists, claiming to be members of the newly formed “Goravian” religious sect, are demanding L.A. officials declare that the Kodak Theatre be named a holy shrine.
Close monitoring of the average room temperature inside the Kodak Theatre, venue for the Oscars, revealed that it directly matched (+ or - 1 degree F) the median aggregate I.Q. of the film industry luminaries in attendance.
Said German lead scientist Dr. Karl Schnabel, “This confirms something that we in the scientific community have feared for decades, but were afraid to come forward with. Specifically, the annual high concentration levels of this many actors, film-makers, TV cameras and implants being beamed to a huge global audience poses a grave threat to human intellect as we know it. Our calculations show that unless the Oscars are immediately cut back to a one hour broadcast rational thought could become extinct in as little as 20 years.”
“Most troubling is that Sunday evening a definitive 'tipping point' was reached, triggered by the wantonly careless act of placing Hollywood types, has-been politicians and the word “moral” together into a closed environment.”
On a more positive note, Dutch Climatologist Hans Kloogerman shared this finding:
“Our highly sensitive monitoring equipment was able to detect a noticeable spike upward in the overall I.Q. inside the Kodak Theatre whenever Jack Nicholson left to use the men’s room. However, I must temper this good news with a word of caution… we also found that I.Q. levels dropped off precipitously for any person entering a 10 foot radius around Al Gore."
In a related story, 100’s of global warming activists, claiming to be members of the newly formed “Goravian” religious sect, are demanding L.A. officials declare that the Kodak Theatre be named a holy shrine.
posted by Michael C. at 6:26 PM
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